So I got bored and started thinking about my first real crush. I was so stupid thinking that we would be the best thing on 5 feet. He was the first guy that could make me put my head down so he wouldnt see me blush. But I respected his boundaries, he had a girlfriend so as much as it killed me I would try to not talk allot to him when he would come over and invade my mind. I dont know if calling him a crush is the right word for it... maby an obsession would be better.
I know that without him trying to unlock the real me I would have been miserable trying to be like the guys around me. Without me finding my real feelings I would have never started to talk to the people I do now. I wish I wasnt so focused on him. Then I would have kept that guy that I would 'have fun with' from moving schools.
I think it was the last day that did it for us. I pushed him so far away from my happy place. The year after that I he wouldnt even look my way. Then to my surprise this school year he started to look over at me. Boy was I happy but at the same time I felt defeated. But why?
I told myself that I was better off without him. I was on my way to getting this great guy, and with a simple look it was like he had taken the sun from my world. I felt like I had gone blind so all I had to do was find a new world to rest at.
So I did, I had landed in a world filled with bunnys but one green little bunny stood above the rest. I had felt closer to home then ever before. I was able to tell the bunny almost everything, I even learned some things about myself. I loved this bunny so much that I told the bunny many times that if she was like me that we would have been together. The bunny told me that if I was like her she would have fucked me by now.
I was sad that this love wasnt mutual. As much as I loved this bunny I needed someone better and more like me. And so now I stand looking for a world with everything that I need.
(im sorry if things changed so drastically, I hope you can still understand the point of it all)
Sounds like you might have been thinking about trying to go back to where you once were, but have since moved on. In my experience, once you have adjusted your head to being in a new place, it is almost impossible to go back. I say 'almost', as I have also found that the oddest things have a habit of happening, just when one doesn't expect them too!
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