let me think!

One of the main reasons that I needed some time to myself, time to think, time to let the world stop around me was to help me realise that ive gotten weaker over the last two years. I dont mean physical, I think im as strong as an ox and as healthy as a horse.

Its been two years sense I let someone into my heart. Its been two long years with no one by my side. I have been fine and able to live without some one. Until about a week ago when I let my defences down. For so long I have shot down any planes trying to land, but now I left the AA gun and im running to deck B to wave down this plane that I let stay flying and fuel up when he needed it. (i couldnt think of any other way to put it then that)

I sit here in my seat listening to Daft Punk's - Something About Us and I think about those early posts that I made about him and how nothings changed much. I see him in the halls and from time to time I say hi. Before the class we have together I take the the faster way down to meet him outside as he waits for the bell to ring, next to the tree.

Now its so hard to listen to old songs that now have a new meaning for me. I would feel weird if I was to be with him. Most of the time im into older guys (early 20s) but this one is almost two years younger then me.

Im so used to thinking about 2 or 3 different things at once. My mind is always thinking about some old things that should be in my history books at school. I cant stop thinking about him now, its not a bad thing but I just wish I could be thinking about Elizabeth Báthory or Grigori Rasputin. The other day I felt stupid not knowing what was going on in school for once.

(I have less then 8 minutes to get ready for something now because ive got to far into this)