Insomnia

For me insomnia is that little person that keeps screaming in your head while you read but wont stop. Its that bony finger poking you in the side as your tied down. Insomnia for me is the bone chilling reality that not all drugs are bad.
When I said I quit drugs I didnt just mean the illegal ones, I meant every little extra vitamin pill thats supposed to be good for you. Until recently I had been taking a drug that would make me trip then have a great sleep. For almost 2 years ive been taking the same thing. Well it wasnt the smartest thing.
That doesnt mean that im going to go back to ANY drug just for this problem. I know it was my fault for fucking up my body. Its so hard to resist calling my friends and asking if they can hook me up. Just the other day I asked my friend if he had any weed because I got used to buying from him. Now that drugs are away from me things are so much different. My body hurts all the time, if I try to sleep then I end up waisting time laying in the dark, its hard to just stay away from old friends that are going to push me back into drugs.
Not everything is bad at least I can sorta think strait now, I know what I want to do with my life, love my mom now, got great friends that support me, working on getting a boyfriend.
Lets talk about that, seems that I always post something about this guy but always dance around the subject. He is just the kindest guy that I have ever met. So sweet and small I just want to hold him in my arms all day. Slowly im becoming less nervous around him.
The only thing is that im so shy and im not so good at holding a conversation with people that I get nervous around, or in big groups. I dont like to talk around allot of people. Im more of a one on one type of talker. Im told that im a people magnet but I dont know how that works out. Apparently people just want to talk to me. Now that I think about it, I do seem to make new friends with the people that sit next to me at class. Most of the time I just want to be left alone but people just seem to talk to me and they all seem to find me at my hiding spots.


(from your tired friend)