August 6, 2009

Tales From the Blue Hell

I didnt plan any of this. I didnt want any soul to know about us. I wish I could hold you in my arms
Oh, how I wish I could hold your body in my arms. Im sick and tired of thinking about you but I cant help it.

By now it almost feels as if your not real. It feels as if the conversations between us are nothing but my imagination. I almost wish I had made you up.

Just another page from my diary. I was such a cry baby!

6 comments:

  1. What's this? You two have been outed to the general population? If that is the case, I know how difficult that can be, and I hope you two can get through it and remain together.
    [hugzU] G =]

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  2. The longing, the desire which grows and grows to overwhelm you when you're powerless to give your love. I hated that time.

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  3. Bitter
    I just wanna hold you and tell you stuff changes man.
    Your longing and desire and the ache that causes just come through so clear and seeing how I can't hold you all I will say is my hands always held out to you my friend.
    Nick

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  4. did you hand write these? might be neat to see the scanned page ... I like the line "I almost wish I had made you up" that's some powerful stuff

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  5. once, after I lost my first true love, I wandered down the dark, country roads where I lived, crying like a freakin' idiot, consumed with grief, completely destroyed...convinced that my life had ended. I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, it seems so foolish now; love, however, can make a fool out of the strongest of us at one time or another. The sad part of that, looking back, is that it hardened my heart for a while, probably a desperate attempt at self-preservation...But, as it turned out, I didn't die from grief; life gave me a reprieve and I courageously carried on, determined to erase forever, the memory of that painful relationship! One year later, almost to the day, I ran into my ex in, of all places, a barbershop. It was, and remains, one of the worst moments of my life. Not only did he get his hair cut sitting about 4 feet away, he had his new love-interest(a girl this time) hanging over him like a cheap sweater the whole time in a purposeful attempt to prove his supposed hetero bent... Hmm...He never acknowledged me except in this strange new(to me) dance...
    It did help me in one way though- I realized that anyone that classless, didn't deserve the pedestal I had put him on!!!
    Ah, to be a teenager again...how I envy you!!!
    (he did give great bjs though)

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Ever since my birth ive been wondering what I was put on this earth for.